The Hard Stuff

There are all sorts of different seasons of "hard" in our lives. We face different trials as we go through this journey and they can all be so different - but the hurt can be the same.

We can all be going through our own crap right now....and there will always be someone out there who has it worse than you. But one thing I've learned is - NEVER feel guilty for FEELING YOUR FEELINGS. All hurt, hurts.

The hard stuff I'm going through right now seems so pale in comparison to other problems in the world - so I can't even really call it "hard". But like I said - hurt is hurt, right?

I'm an over-analyzer, a recovering people pleaser, a deep thinker, I feel ALL the feels. I feel other people's feels, which often hurts worse than feeling my own. I obsess about certain things. I put ALL of myself out there on social media to serve what I truly believe to be one of my callings to help other people. Most of the time my heart is filled with such love and blessings being able to talk to and work with and help so many people over the last few years.

But with the public eye and with dealing with people so much - negativity is bound to happen.

People you thought were your friends might turn against you. And it hurts. Really, really bad. The first thing you feel is betrayal and heartbreak. You feel guilty because you feel like you must have done something wrong. Then you get angry because you feel your character is being attacked. Then you feel guilt again because you let your emotions get the best of you when you got angry. Then you just feel sad again.

Last week I was so knocked down I honestly felt like giving up everything I was doing. Quitting it all and cancelling facebook and EVERYTHING and just go away quietly so I didn't have to get hurt anymore.

But what good would that do? I still feel like I'm called to help people. I LOVE working. I love helping people to live healthier and happier lives. I'm LOVING my new boutique and being able to help women find cute and affordable clothes that they feel confident in without having to go out and go shopping.

So why should I quit any of that because of other people? No way Jose.

But I still have days where my heart feels heavy. Where I obsess about what I might have done wrong. Things I could have done differently. Of course I never claim to be perfect. If anyone does - they are a liar. I make mistakes. I don't always think before I act or before I talk. But one thing I can promise is that my intentions are ALWAYS pure.

I ALWAYS want to see others succeed and I NEVER think that if I have success that it will take away from someone else's.

I do everything I can to lift other people up - especially other women trying to do their own thing.

I've already had a few people come to me asking me for help on starting their own businesses. Businesses that would be JUST like mine. And I am SO FREAKING HAPPY to help them. I will do whatever I can in my life to help other people reach their own success. Because when you see me post things on facebook about lifting others up and empowering other women...I truly mean it and I will walk the walk if I talk the talk. ALWAYS. You can count on that.

I will never get jealous of your success, sister. Never. I will light your candle every single time I'm able to. Because lighting your candle will never dim mine!

I wrote a post on facebook last week when I was very, very hurt from a few (so called) friends who spoke untruths about me. I posted this in the heat of my frustration and hurt heart. Some people didn't think it was kind of me even though I didn't call anyone out by name. So I did take the post down. And for some reason all I can think about today is how much I wish I would have just walked away from my phone and computer and just prayed instead. I apologize if I came across in a negative way or spread any negativity. I don't want to be that person and I will work harder at taking time to process emotions before I act on them.

Just know that if you follow me - I will always be my true self to you. I will share the good and the bad. My huge mess ups and my successes. And I will always be here to help or to listen in any way I can.

I will never claim to have my shit together. But I do promise that I will never give up and I will always be encouraging you to do the same.

Light those lights - and light the person next to you...please!

And be YOURSELF. With integrity and honesty. Thank you for reading loves.

xoxo,
Krysta Joelle

Where's My Place?

I've talked before about how I'm a pretty extreme introvert. Some people find it hard to believe since I live my life so out loud on social media, but if you understand what an introvert really is, you'd realize that having my platform on social media is quite perfect for an introvert like me.

I've really never been a huge social bug. Sure I loved hanging out with my friends in high school. But in college, I wasn't a partier. I spent most of my time with my roommate who became my best friend and then a couple other close friends here and there. Usually hanging out at our dorm or apartment....in my safe space.

I do well with few close friends and don't need a lot of people around me.

And it's not that I don't love people. I really do. I love meeting new people. I love hearing people's stories. I love to learn about different people and I'm fascinated by the lives other people can live. I do NOT like small talk at all. It literally makes me want to poke my eyeballs and run away. Like makes my skin crawl.

Then I stumbled into online health and fitness coaching and it was P.E.R.F.E.C.T. for me. I could help tons of people with something I am super passionate about - getting/staying healthy....and I could do it all from the comfort of my bubble. #winning

I've come to accept the way I am. I used to be really hard on myself about it. Like I felt something must be wrong with me that I'm so anti-social. Why do I want to be home all the time and not go out and do stuff with people? I'm much better as being kinder to myself these days, but sometimes those thoughts creep in.

And then a lot of times I'll hang out with people and feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like I just can't find my place in this world. Like I'm just too much for this world and for a lot of people. I don't do many "traditional" things like work a normal job and stay there. I speak what's on my mind and rarely hold things back. Sometimes I feel like that is hard for people to handle.

Do you ever feel out of place? Maybe that's another reason I love being at home with my family so much. I know who I am here. I belong here. I am Chad's wife and the girls Mommy. And I know how to do that and be that. But I swear out in the world I can feel so lost. I get worn down by the fact that some people are hard to trust. I get saddened when I put my trust in friendships that turn out to be fake.

I take so much on emotionally that I get purely exhausted by it all. Sometimes I have days where I honestly just think "what is it all for? why am I here? every day just keeps passing and I don't understand the point." And I don't say that in a morbid way like I don't wish to be here. But I seriously wonder those things and want to live with extreme purpose. I don't think we were just put on this Earth to grow up, work, pay bills and die. I can't believe that.

And maybe that's why you always see me chasing dreams. You may see me and think "what in God's sweet name is she doing now?" I'll tell you what I'm not doing.....I'm not going to sit here and say "I WISH"...I'm just going to keep DOING. Because I really believe that we have the world at our fingertips. If you want something, you freaking go for it with all of your heart. I know I'll continue to fail forward and I'll keep finding myself a little more along the way. But it's part of my journey.

I hope that anyone out there who might feel a little (or a lot) lost like me can relate to anything I've said in this jumbled mess of a blog post. Just know you're not alone if you feel....different or out of place.

There is a place for all of us and it doesn't have to be at the popular table. It doesn't have to be at the next big party. It doesn't have to be at your next pinterest worthy kids birthday party. It doesn't have to be any of the things you're not comfortable with. I'll keep doing my thing even if I feel weird and out of place.....because I truly believe we should be ourselves no matter what. Always be authentic to WHO YOU ARE instead of who you think the world wants you to be.

xoxo, krysta joelle